Welbeck can spend a year or two in the U17 to learn how to shoot from close range.
Ozil must be given triple expresso before kick off, to keep him awake.
Bellerin must get a hair cut and insist to play on the right.
Ox can move to Chelsea and ruin their play from center midfield.
Alexis can break his fixed deposits and pay off his own release clause.
Wenger can buy a villa in Monaco and stay there permanently.
Martin Keown has labelled Ozil the ‘most frustrating player’ he has ever seen play for Arsenal, but what do the fans think?
The German international has come under criticism on a number of occasions for seemingly failing to fight for the ball, and has been described as lazy, but we all know how good he can be as part of our attack.
When we lose, he can often be turned on, whereas when we win he is often the man to find those key passes, so it is difficult to gauge just how important he is within the side due to his ups n down.
Martin Keown has now come down on him this week following our defeat to Stoke City.
“Mesut Ozil is the most frustrating player I’ve seen wear an Arsenal shirt,” Keown told the Daily Mail.
“He is an icing-on-the-cake player — someone who is happy to create the chances to win matches but will not scrap and fight for the team.
“Ozil is an expensive luxury — but if he is not going to work hard out of possession then he must do so when he has the ball.
“Why isn’t he running at players with menace and asking questions of them? It’s not enough just to be out there — he needs to be controlling games.
“Ozil has not yet signed a contract so we must assume he does not want to be at the club.
“But if he is just trying to see out his time at Arsenal, that is going to be a long year for all involved. He must forget about himself, give his all for the fans and the club and then go gracefully.”
Trying to think of the long-run and not just the weekend’s loss, is Ozil more of a burden than he is a positive?